Recent Conflict

In my office we recently hired a new home visitor.  There are now three of us in the county that provide home base services to Early Head Start.  In the process of trying to train the new person I noticed that the other girl (Christina) in the office was beginning to sound very bossy.  I also noticed that the new girl (Roberta) was beginning to take offense.  Because the new person found my co-worker to be bossy and pushy (her words) there was a dispute over lesson planning and training.  The new girl refused to be told what to do by Christina and Christina was becoming increasingly frustrated with Roberta.  We were not getting a lot of training done and soon Roberta would be taking over her own caseload.  Therefore, instead of taking my usual stance of avoiding the conflict or trying to 'fix' the conflict I decided to practice a couple of strategies from the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Third Side material that we have been studying. 

I was actually very proud that I was able to utilize some of the strategies and skills that I have been studying recently.  When the new girl came to me and said that she felt my co-worker was being "rude, pushy, and bossy" and that she did not appreciate it I took a moment to consider how she might be feeling.  I imagined it must be confusing to have two people trying to train you as well as very scary to start an entire new position.  She has the added stress of having all of the Spanish speaking families on her case load and must also practice her Spanish speaking skills in order to communicate well with her families.   I then explained that this is not the normal personality for my coworker and suggested that maybe she was just trying to make sure that Roberta had all the information.  I also suggested that we all sit down and talk about it.  I told the Roberta that she should express honestly how she is feeling and let my coworker now how she is being perceived.  When I asked Christina to come down and speak with us she said she knew Roberta was upset but that she didn't know what she did to make her that way. 

When we all sat down to talk I suggested that we just talk about what had actually occurred and that we try explaining our actions.  After talking and redirecting the conversation a couple of times and pointing out the reasons behind a few of the actions made by myself and my coworker Roberta understood that we were not being bossy but rather we were just trying to ensure that she had all the information that she would need.  Christina also stated that she did not realize that she was sounding so demanding and bossy and stated she would make a bigger effort to make requests rather than demands.

Overall, I thought it was a very productive meeting.  Prior to studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Third Side I would have dreaded the conflict and bad feelings between everyone.  The challenge to any conflict is being able to understand and relate to different perspectives (www.thirdside.org).  I also agree with NVC that "having the intention to connect with ourselves and others is one of the most important goals of practicing and living nonviolent communication" (www.cnvc.org). 

I believe in this instance I took on the role of "The Bridge Builder" and allowed my coworkers to build a relationship across the lines of conflict (www.thirdside.org).  If we had not been able to 'mend fences' and build a bridge together then I believe the hard feelings would have continued and escalated.

In looking back at past conflicts between coworkers I noticed that I rarely spoke up and would usually just try to "keep the peace".  I have learned that you can "fix" everything for everyone and that people must take ownership of their own actions and feelings. 

Who am I as a communicator?

This week we took several surveys which gave some insights into what type of communicator we are and how well we communicate with others.  We also asked two other people to take the surveys for us.  What I found between my own results and their results did surprise me.  Both people who took the surveys, a co-worker and my fiance, scored me higher than I scored myself.  I was really surprised that both of them assumed that I was and even enjoy speaking in front of others.  Personally, this is something I really struggle with because I do not like speaking before a group.  My co-worker was surprised to hear that I actually don't like it and that I get as nervous as I do when I have to speak.  So I guess I apparently keep it well hidden.  

The first insight I gained is that others definitely perceive us differently than we may think.  Our tone of voice, body language, and the language we use also affects others perceptions of us.  While we may think we are not communicating well, others may feel that the communication was successful.  In the same sense, sometimes we think we communicated our message clearly when in reality others may not have received the message or understood what we were trying to communicate.

The second insight I gained is that I am definitely more critical of myself than others.  I am sure this is the case with most people, I just didn't realize how harshly I was judging myself until I took the surveys. 

I enjoyed this type of self-reflection and the opportunity to see where I need to improve my communications skills.

Ways In Which We Communicate With Others

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures? If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

In answer to this question, yes of course you communicate differently with different groups of people and cultures.  For instance when speaking to my immediate family I am much more informal, open, self-disclosing, and affectionate.  However, when communicating with fellow colleagues I am a little more formal, less self-disclosing, and will use professional jargon when discussing child development and early childhood issues and challenges.  When I speak to my clients I would not use professional jargon and would adapt to their communication style to put them at ease.  Then again when I am with my girlfriends I would be again more open, informal, and affectionate. 
We all want others to feel comfortable when communicating with them so we adapt our body language, verbal language, tone, and communication style to ensure that others are at ease.  When individuals are at ease with each other you are more likely to gain a shared understanding when communicating.

Based on what you have learned this week share at least 3 strategies you could use to communicate more effectively with the identified groups.

Three strategies I could use to communicate more effectively with different groups and cultures are:

1. Engage in self-reflection:  By this I mean examining my communication style, my body language, tone of voice, and how I communicate in general with others.
2. Avoid Cultural Myopia:  It is important to avoid the trap that "our way is the only way" or the "correct way".  When we allow ourselves to examine and see other perspectives we can gain a better understanding when communicating with others.
3. Learn more about other cultures, their beliefs, and traditions.  When we learn about the "why" behind behaviors we expand our knowledge of other cultures as well as gain a better understanding of beliefs, traditions, and behaviors that conflict with our own.

I recently came across a quote by Anthony Robbins that I found to be very fitting with this weeks learning.

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others!"

Communicating: Nonverbally & Verbally

For this assignment I went onto www.hulu.com to find an episode of something I had not seen or would not normally watch.  The episode I picked was Louie - Season 2, Episode 9.  I first watched this episode without sound.

By watching the body language and actions of the characters I gauged that the main character was obviously a stand-up comic.  He comes off stage and it appears he meets up with someone he is very familiar with because he smiles, hugs, and slaps the other man on the back.   It appears they are close friends.  From the flashbacks to younger version of the men in black and white I assume they have been friends for some time.

From the body language of other people who come into contact with the main character's friend it does not appear they like him very much.  One man gets up close to the friends personal space, his face looks angry and he is waving his arms.  There is another instance in a liquor store where the store clerk is obviously yelling at the friend, waving his arms, pointing at him and pointing at the door.

From their body language it appeared the main character was well liked but that the 'friend' was not.  Even toward the end of the episode it appears that the main character is mad at his friend because his face shows concern, mouth open, looks away from him, waves his arms about, points at him and shakes his head. 

After watching it with the sound on I found out I was right, it was an old friend who came to see the main character, Louie, do his stand-up routine.  They greet each other, the other man does offend others with his language and comments.  I was not really able to determine the "plot" or what was actually occurring by watching with the sound off.  However, with the sound on I learned that the man had come to say "good-bye" to his old friend because he had not been as successful as Louie and felt he had nothing left to live for in his life.  He talks about killing himself in the end which is what makes Louie so mad. 

If I had watched an episode of a show I was familiar with I think my assumptions would have been more correct because I would have had previous knowledge and experience with it, I would have created a schema and would have been familiar with relationships and characters.  My schema, or previous experience, could have given me an idea of what the plot would be and what the relationships were between characters. 

I found this exercise to be very interesting.  I was bored and found it difficult to follow the episode without the sound.  I also found myself looking closer at facial expressions, body language, and the actions and movements of the characters. 

Communicating & Collaborating in the Early Childhood Field: Personal Experience

When asked to think of someone who communicates well in a particular context the first person I thought of was our Mental Health Consultant.  For confidentiality reasons I will just refer to him as Mr. D.  Mr. D meets with us each month to discuss stresses that families on our caseloads are going through and to discusses strategies we can use to better communicate with and to assist these families.  He will also discuss how it affects us personally, especially if staff is becoming "burned out".  From the beginning I noticed that Mr. D. always looks in you the eye while you are talking, he does not interrupt, ad he will ask specific questions.  It is also apparent that he takes a minute to consider what he is going to say before giving feedback on particular situations.  He makes it obvious that he wants the whole picture before he considers what he is going to say in return.  The conversations with Mr. D. are so relaxed and informal that it makes it very easy to speak to him.  Often I find myself coming up with a solution long before he suggests it.  I'm sure this is part of his job but he never makes you feel like he is trying to influence your decisions, but rather just discussing different possibilities and perspectives. 

I definitely try to model my own communication behaviors after Mr. D.  I always try to look at people when they are speaking.  I try to indicate that I am interested in what others have to say by looking at them and responded appropriately as they talk.  My biggest downfall is wanting to jump ahead and think about what I want to say in return before they are even finished.  I don't interrupt but have definitely found myself already thinking of a response before the other person has even finished.  I also like the way that Mr. D. reflects back what the other person has said and try to do this as well to ensure that I have a clear understanding of what they are communicating.  I think that when you reflect back what the other person has said it shows them that you were truly listening and that you have a clear understanding of what they have said.  It sends the message that you respect them and value what they have to say.

Professional Hopes and Goals

Professional Hopes:

I hope that I continue to learn about the families I work with and learn more about other cultures and lifestyles.  I hope that I can make all the families and children I work with feel welcome to my classroom and program, appreciated, and included.  In addition I hope that I continue to analyze and reflect on my own biases and am able to learn and grow through this self-reflection.  I hope that all the families and children I work with feel represented, acknowledged, valued, and feel that they have a voice in my classroom.  I truly believe it is essential that children see themselves and their families represented within the classroom and program.  In the words of Maya Angelou: "We should all know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color".   I would add to that no matter what their color, sexuality, gender, age, race, or ethnicity. 

 
One goal that I would set forth for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity, and social justice is to continue educating our communities, programs, and future teachers on the importance of valuing diversity.  With diversity, equity, and social justice we can build a brighter future for our world.

I would like to also thank my fellow colleagues.  It is has been a pleasure working and learning with and from each of you.  I continue to grow and learn and appreciate all of your feedback and encouragement.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I think the earliest memory of bias, prejudice, and oppression that I have is when we lived in Germany.  I was 16 years old and me and my girlfriends went into the city to look for and buy prom dresses.  My mother is German and I am fluent in the language so I usually did the talking or asking of prices, sizes, etc.  One of my girlfriends was biracial, another was Italian with dark hair, dark eyes, and the other girl had red hair and had a very southern accent.  We went into a shop and I guess the clerk did not realize that I was with the girls and she told me in German to keep my purse close to me because there were "Americans" in the shop and they were very suspicious.  At first I was appalled and then I thought I would ask why they were suspicious.  She told me that there were two who were obviously "black" and the other one she wasn't sure about and you just never know about "those people".  I was very angry and told her your right you never know who is American and who isn't and then in English I told my girlfriends that we should leave because the shop clerk were afraid we might steal something.  The clerk was very embarrassed and tried to apologize but we walked out.  I remember I was very angry.  I also never told my girlfriends that she was only questioning the others because I felt badly for them.  I assume since I could speak the language and am very fair the clerk assumed I was German.  I felt a little guilty about not telling my girlfriends but I did not want to hurt their feelings.

I remember I spoke to my mother at length about the incident.  She told me that every nationality has individuals that are biased and prejudiced against others.  She also told me that prejudice and bias are products of fear and ignorance. 

The incident diminished equity for my girlfriends by singling them out because of their race and nationality.  In order for the incident to have a greater opportunity of equity the store clerk would have to put aside her bias and prejudices. 

I found this picture and thought it was appropriate for the topic:

We should all STOP - THINK - ACT - and RESPECT one another regardless of our differences.