In my office we recently hired a new home visitor. There are now three of us in the county that provide home base services to Early Head Start. In the process of trying to train the new person I noticed that the other girl (Christina) in the office was beginning to sound very bossy. I also noticed that the new girl (Roberta) was beginning to take offense. Because the new person found my co-worker to be bossy and pushy (her words) there was a dispute over lesson planning and training. The new girl refused to be told what to do by Christina and Christina was becoming increasingly frustrated with Roberta. We were not getting a lot of training done and soon Roberta would be taking over her own caseload. Therefore, instead of taking my usual stance of avoiding the conflict or trying to 'fix' the conflict I decided to practice a couple of strategies from the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Third Side material that we have been studying.
I was actually very proud that I was able to utilize some of the strategies and skills that I have been studying recently. When the new girl came to me and said that she felt my co-worker was being "rude, pushy, and bossy" and that she did not appreciate it I took a moment to consider how she might be feeling. I imagined it must be confusing to have two people trying to train you as well as very scary to start an entire new position. She has the added stress of having all of the Spanish speaking families on her case load and must also practice her Spanish speaking skills in order to communicate well with her families. I then explained that this is not the normal personality for my coworker and suggested that maybe she was just trying to make sure that Roberta had all the information. I also suggested that we all sit down and talk about it. I told the Roberta that she should express honestly how she is feeling and let my coworker now how she is being perceived. When I asked Christina to come down and speak with us she said she knew Roberta was upset but that she didn't know what she did to make her that way.
When we all sat down to talk I suggested that we just talk about what had actually occurred and that we try explaining our actions. After talking and redirecting the conversation a couple of times and pointing out the reasons behind a few of the actions made by myself and my coworker Roberta understood that we were not being bossy but rather we were just trying to ensure that she had all the information that she would need. Christina also stated that she did not realize that she was sounding so demanding and bossy and stated she would make a bigger effort to make requests rather than demands.
Overall, I thought it was a very productive meeting. Prior to studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Third Side I would have dreaded the conflict and bad feelings between everyone. The challenge to any conflict is being able to understand and relate to different perspectives (www.thirdside.org). I also agree with NVC that "having the intention to connect with ourselves and others is one of the most important goals of practicing and living nonviolent communication" (www.cnvc.org).
I believe in this instance I took on the role of "The Bridge Builder" and allowed my coworkers to build a relationship across the lines of conflict (www.thirdside.org). If we had not been able to 'mend fences' and build a bridge together then I believe the hard feelings would have continued and escalated.
In looking back at past conflicts between coworkers I noticed that I rarely spoke up and would usually just try to "keep the peace". I have learned that you can "fix" everything for everyone and that people must take ownership of their own actions and feelings.
I was actually very proud that I was able to utilize some of the strategies and skills that I have been studying recently. When the new girl came to me and said that she felt my co-worker was being "rude, pushy, and bossy" and that she did not appreciate it I took a moment to consider how she might be feeling. I imagined it must be confusing to have two people trying to train you as well as very scary to start an entire new position. She has the added stress of having all of the Spanish speaking families on her case load and must also practice her Spanish speaking skills in order to communicate well with her families. I then explained that this is not the normal personality for my coworker and suggested that maybe she was just trying to make sure that Roberta had all the information. I also suggested that we all sit down and talk about it. I told the Roberta that she should express honestly how she is feeling and let my coworker now how she is being perceived. When I asked Christina to come down and speak with us she said she knew Roberta was upset but that she didn't know what she did to make her that way.
When we all sat down to talk I suggested that we just talk about what had actually occurred and that we try explaining our actions. After talking and redirecting the conversation a couple of times and pointing out the reasons behind a few of the actions made by myself and my coworker Roberta understood that we were not being bossy but rather we were just trying to ensure that she had all the information that she would need. Christina also stated that she did not realize that she was sounding so demanding and bossy and stated she would make a bigger effort to make requests rather than demands.
Overall, I thought it was a very productive meeting. Prior to studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Third Side I would have dreaded the conflict and bad feelings between everyone. The challenge to any conflict is being able to understand and relate to different perspectives (www.thirdside.org). I also agree with NVC that "having the intention to connect with ourselves and others is one of the most important goals of practicing and living nonviolent communication" (www.cnvc.org).
I believe in this instance I took on the role of "The Bridge Builder" and allowed my coworkers to build a relationship across the lines of conflict (www.thirdside.org). If we had not been able to 'mend fences' and build a bridge together then I believe the hard feelings would have continued and escalated.
In looking back at past conflicts between coworkers I noticed that I rarely spoke up and would usually just try to "keep the peace". I have learned that you can "fix" everything for everyone and that people must take ownership of their own actions and feelings.
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